The Vomit-Swoon

The vomit-swoon is an omni-present phenomenon in my life as I classify myself as a cynical-romantic. 

I am one of those women who loves a good romantic movie and would absolutely love it to actually happen in my life, but would probably be awkwardly cracking up at the same time.

Let's take a few classics:
Pretty Woman
Well 1) I'm not a hooker and 2) if I had a guy pull up to my crappy apartment in a limo with roses, and then he had to crawl slowly up the fire escape for fear of falling....I would be laughing.  I wouldn't be playfully tossing my hair around to strike the perfect pose for when Richard Gere rounded the corner.  I would be sitting there awkwardly wondering why he was taking so long and what I should be doing in the meantime.  And...I don't think a random guy would then be walking across the street providing commentary on this miraculous moment of love.

You've Got Mail
I realize that yes, I did try online dating...but c'mon Tom Hanks...stalk her much?  It may just be me, but I would be FURIOUS if I found out that he knew who I was all along.  Yes yes, love conquers all but that's a little messed up.  However...so I don't come across as a complete cynic...I can't help but cry at the end of that movie everytime until he says 'Don't cry, Shopgirl', at which point I start laughing.  Who wants to be called by their screenname when they embrace their true love?  'Don't cry Ylucyb'  somehow doesn't have the right zing!

The Last of the Mohicans
Granted, not a romantic comedy but has one of the best lines of all time....
What are you looking at, Sir?
I'm looking at you, Miss. Followed by extrememly intense eye contact.
I can't have a staring contest like that without laughing at some point...

To get to the point today...here's a quick recap of my weekend:

1) Went to big Italian dinner with entire family (the tablecloth is paper and there are crayons provided)
2) Draw silly pictures while eating giant amounts of pasta
3) Catch the eye of a server who somehow is glancing my way everytime I look up
4) Enjoy my prosecco and wine
5) Jokingly leave my phone number on the table (in crayon, nonetheless) and my future sister-in-law adds a 'wink' underneath it
6) 15 minutes later recieve a text message from unknown number asking if that wink was for him...

And thus begins the vomit-swoon reaction to messages recieved from said-mysterious server. (sidenote: before you start thinking that this is ridiculous and potentially stalkerish, don't you dare worry your pretty little face...I'm a big girl) 

'Sorry for not being able to take my eyes off you last night'
1)Vomit
2) Swoon
3) Giggle

'You have definitely made my month."
1)Vomit
2) Swoon

Is there a cure for the vomit-swoon?  I'm afraid this poor cynic will remain without a cure until the day a man kneels before her, at Disneyland, with 'Somewhere over the Rainbow' playing over loudspeakers, a light breeze sweeping through her hair on a bright sunny day, saying the words that every girl wants to hear...

nah, even then...vomit-swoon.