Yummy in My Tummy

To say that I am obsessed with food is an understatement. I don't just eat when I'm hungry...I have this need to eat something when it sounds good. I do have some restraint but sometimes....I just can't hold back. Thank goodness I like working out... Anyways, I knew I would be able to get some good Mexican food while spending my time in Miami. I had read about the Taqueria el Mexicano on yelp and it had gotten some great reviews. It looked like one of those divey Mexican restaurants that usually boast the best food. And boy were the reviews right. I got myself a vegetarian burrito and chips/salsa (because let's face it, if you are going to do Mexican food, you have to eat chips and salsa). It was delicious. Of course I ate way too much but my tummy could not have been happier to be quite so full. I think I found the Tres Amigos of Miami. Nothing will ever beat Tres but at least I've found a place that will suffice while I'm down here. It's better than any Mexican food I've been able to find in DC - I'll just have to keep searching for the dives. Also, Cuban espresso is ridiculously good - really strong and sweet and probably has enough caffeine to keep me bouncing off the walls until quittin' time.

Lost...

Bored....sad.....lonely.....happy......worried.....confused........lost.....

All by Myself

My Dad always likes to remind me of all the times that I acted like an indignant child. "I do it myself" as I said quite often. Well, last night was another one of those nights... I ventured to a bar by myself for the first time. Somebody had recommended a place called the Burger and Beer Joint - and that was exactly what I needed last night. Maybe a beer more so than the burger, but hey, I took both. I posted up at the bar and ordered myself a Guinness...what else? Then I got to begin the fun dance of where to look, who to talk to, when to laugh, when to look at my phone, when to pretend that I'm interested in the basketball game on TV, when to order food, how much of it to eat....and the list goes on and on. I never realized there would be so much involved in going to a bar by yourself. Then again, maybe it's just me...I'm sure other people go to bars by themselves all the time and have no problem making friends or knowing how to act, but since this was my first attempt, I really had no clue what to do. It turned out alright though - I made friends with the 3 bartenders who rotated...they were probably wondering why I was sitting there all by my lonesome, guzzling Guinnesses with the saddest puppy dog eyes. OH, the burger was amazing by the way. I got the Buck Nekkid burger which was is a burger without the bun, topped with grilled onions - I added jalapeno. And it came with mushroom fries!!! They basically tasted like shrimp tempura, except they were strips of portabello mushrooms. Fantastic and definitely unexpected! This place also has a large selection of ice cream and I saw a few fabulous-looking sundaes glide by the bar. I resisted though - I figured beer and a burger was bad enough without scarfing down some ice cream, and we all know I can eat me some ice cream. Although this night turned out to be pretty fun and I made a few friends at the bar, I have figured out that I have a slight case of social anxiety. It stresses me out to think about walking into a situation in which I know absolutely no-one. Yes, I made it through one night but will I venture out and do it again? I'm not sure....the future is undecided. It's so much easier to stay in a bubble and never go out of your comfort zone, and I know I do that too often. Branching out is good but it takes a lot of building up my nerve to actually do it. All I can say is thank goodness I had my phone and friends who were willing to text me throughout the night. That is one thing I noticed - anybody who was at the bar by themselves was undoubtedly playing on their phone for at least half the time they were there. But to Annie, you are a lifesaver with your hilarious texts that make me laugh and wipe that 'bitch-look' off my face if even for a few seconds. Apparently the sports bar stays open until 5am most nights----ridiculous, but who knows? I might make it back there sometime this weekend because even one familiar face is better than none.

5am

I was exhausted last night when I got home from work - traveling and getting accustomed to a new apartment, new city finally caught up with me. I came home, put on my bathing suit top and sat out on my balcony to catch the final few rays of sunshine in the warm afternoon light. I was asleep within 5 minutes. When I woke up, I was still tired and just wanted to sit and think - the gym was the last thing I wanted to do. So I made a deal with myself that if I didn't gym in the afternoon, I would get up early in the morning to go. My alarm went off at 445am and I was surprisingly awake (normally when I have to wake up that early I am cursing my phone and fighting around in the dark trying to turn off my alarm.) However, I still managed to talk myself out of getting out of bed. Why is it that beds are just so warm in the morning, lulling you back to sleep when you really should stop being lazy and get off your fat ass? Maybe tomorrow will be different. Either way....I'll have to avoid the chocolate cupcakes :-) Also, random side note for this morning....I was happily sipping my delicious Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Brought the cup up to my mouth, took a sip, tilted the cup away and for some reason, the position of my lips caused this weird suction effect....which, in turn, made a little dabble of coffee shoot straight up my right nostril. Weirdest thing ever....I"m sure it will never happen again and I am glad that nobody else was around to see it. I'll be sneezing french vanilla coffee for the rest of the day....

Chocolate for Breakfast

My wonderful Momola got me a card for Valentine's Day that said something to this effect..."Studies show that chocolate and red wine are good for you......I love studies" It was perfect because most people who know me well know that I have a hankering for dark chocolate and red wine. I allow myself the red wine more than I allow the chocolate....should it be the other way around? The reason I am writing about this now is that it's about 8:30am and all I would really like to eat right now is a chocolate cupcake. Possibly even a Black Bottom Cupcake, which are those fabulous delicacies my Momma makes that don't have frosting but still provide you with the proportion of cupcakey goodness. I didn't eat any chocolate on Valentine's Day...not one single piece. That's got to be some sort of record. I think the sweetest thing I had was a piece of pineapple, which was delicious but just doesn't hit the same emotions as chocolate. oh well....we'll see if I can make it through the day without caving for a cupcake, or a donut or any other thing that I absolutely do not need. It's hard to eat well in the airport...so many tempting places to eat. The Cuban food is excellent, even in the airport! Moros rice may be my new favorite thing ever, I'll need to learn how to make it.

Thoughts from last weekend...

It takes a lot of emotional strength to write things down sometimes. I tend to have large gaps in my journals for lack of a better excuse that it is just too painful or just too much work. Or maybe its laziness...

Stress and the impact of everyday life have more of an affect on me than I have given credit. Spiraling out of control until one more minute makes me feel as though the walls will crumble in on me. And then, figuring out house to dust yourself off and start all over again. Rise out of the ashes like a phoenix. I may be far from this point, but at least I am letting the fire burn. I think I am stuck in this constant contemplative conundrum where I know my brain will never fully change even though my moods will remain inconsistent. A constant state of chaos embodied in a struggling soul.

Yet, amidst the fog, we all know that the sun will continue to rise in the east and set in the west. Circumventing the globe in a path that is predictable yet shifting. Perhaps that is a path I need to learn how to follow. Get in a rhythm and learn how to follow it, and not be thrown off course by the cloud cover below. The clouds should be below you...not above...not controlling.

What is that amazing feeling in-flight when sunshine breaks through the window while the clouds sit below? It's elation because you know that right now, the sun is all you have in your future. So, why do the clouds put a damper on what is below? What's the point? I sometimes wonder if we are pre-destined for how we handle the rain...one person's raincloud is another's ray of sunshine?

Valentine's Day

Oh yes...another Valentine's Day.

That dreaded day that rolls around every 14th of February, complete with latex heart balloons, candy hearts that taste like chalk, and couples being all-out vomit-inducing throughout the day. The above is my normal view on Valentine's Day. This viewpoint has led to many-a V-day spent with a magnum bottle of wine and chinese food takeout on my kitchen floor (usually not alone though). My girls usually join me....the ones who aren't off being oh so super cute and cuddly with their significant others. Yikes, the cynic in me is peeking through again....

Anywhooooo this year I have turned a new leaf. I am trying to free myself of drama and let's face it...being depressed on Valentine's Day is just dramatic and over-the-top. Yes, it may be one day where you are MORE aware that you are single, but really? I am quite aware of that fact most everyday of my life. Is that such a bad thing? To realize that maybe I just have not found the right man yet? So I am going to toot my own horn here for a bit...because if you can't at least have that on Valentine's Day, you might as well throw yourself into a trough of Ben and Jerry's and top it off with too many lemon drops to count.

But, before I get to that, I guess I should say that I got some interesting news today about a person who shall remain nameless but meant a great deal to me at one point in my young adult life. Let's just say it was one of those typical situations....girl meets boy, boy and girl like each other, girl is silly in extreme-like, boy crushes girl's heart by saying we want different things etc etc etc. Well, I found out - ironically on Valentine's Day - that said boy has gotten married. Not to the girl who was around when our thing was fizzling, but a new one. Upon hearing the news, my heart was not crushed, my heart could only giggle out of the sheer ridiculousness of the words that had just entered my head. Mr. I Never Want to Get Married, done up and got married. I am no exception to the rule in this situation. This is a typical story that have been uttered by women (men too, I won't leave you out) all over the world for hundreds of years.

So, if I learned anything from this....here is it. I am awesome and he was not the guy for me. Just because it doesn't work out with some guy....so what? He wasn't right....

Hence, my attitude towards Valentine's Day this year. I bought Valentine's for all of my girlfriends (with boyfriends and without) to remind them that they are awesome too and that when I am in my lonely single state, I have them to count on. Plus, my Valentine's were hearts with mustaches....my humor may be a bit distorted but I make myself and I usually make my friends laugh. The ones who get me at least.

Back to tooting my own horn (and this is to toot the horn of all the other girls and guys who are feeling that pang of Valentine's Day right through the heart) suck it up, grab a glass of wine, watch your favorite TV show, read a book, cook yourself a great dinner, go out, do SOMETHING to remind yourself that you are all you ever need. And, if you are lucky enough to find that one person who understands your soul...treasure it.....now, SUIT UP.

As for me....I got myself some Cupcake Red Velvet wine (doesn't is sound elegant), sitting on my balcony in Miami debating what to make for dinner, and thoroughly enjoying this day with a laugh. I hope you are too.

MIA Airport

Today was fantastic! I still had those first-day-of-work jitters, but I think with every new job I've started over the last 2 years, I'm getting better and better at each first day.

I got to the airport early and went to Cafe Versailles to grab a coffee. They cashier judged me because I ordered an "american" coffee instead of the Cubano. How was I to know that the Cuban espresso is like crack and I will probably order it everyday for the rest of my detail? Stop judging me Sir, I'm new in town...

It was a flurry of a morning. I got to sit through 3 hours of SIDA badge training, which consisted of different people coming on to give presentations while the man behind me alternated sounds of snoring and that of a little piglet. I couldn't tell if he was asleep or if he just had serious nasal problems. I got to sit in on the last half of the staff meeting with all the head honchos. Pretty intimidating people - but I've been in the presence of much worse. I was put on the spot and had to give a little speal about who I am and what I do. I'm sure I spoke entirely too fast, as per usual, but I seemed to say the right amount and get people laughing so it couldn' t have been too terrible.

I was amazed at how nice everyone was. They have all known that I have been coming for about 4 months, since we began the planning process. I was truly humbled by how welcoming everyone was and how interested they were in me, my program, and truly making my experience one for the books. I not only lucked out with a great location like Miami, but I lucked out with genuine people who love their jobs and love the people with whom they work. What more can you ask for in a working environment?

Granted, it's only been one day and tomorrow could be completely different.

LIke an Eerie Nightmare...

Have you ever been in a new place and felt like you were in some sort of dream state? Like you were wandering around, hearing new sounds, seeing unfamiliar faces, and you had no idea what you were doing there? That's how I'm feeling right now...

Perhaps its because I know the actual reason I am here is for work and because that hasn't started yet, my mind was not prepared for dealing with the leisurely alternative.

There are times when I have ventured to a new city and not gone through this weird transition phase, but I think that comes from being around a familiar face. Even if it's just a co-worker or somebody you have seen around campus at school. It's amazing what a familiar face can mean to a person.

(By the way, I'm writing this on my balcony at 4pm where the afternoon sun is hitting me oh so perfectly.) I just glanced down and saw this futuristic looking single-pod monorail thing glide by on a rail. Wonder what that is? I'll look into it tomorrow. I'm so used to public transportation in D.C. that it's a little strange knowing I will have to drive everywhere. But I drove everywhere until I moved to D.C. so I'm sure I will adjust in no time.

I didn't get a bay-facing apartment, but i can still see the water to the left of my balcony. I'll have to explore South Beach sometime this week. One of the many things on my to-do list while I'm down here...we'll see how many I actually accomplish.

One of them was writing and I seem to be doing alright on that so far....noticed the sporadic nature of my posts yet? It's a stream of consciousness thing and believe me, it's a lot worse inside my own head.

Alert Alert

The pool is closed indefinitely. Repeat. THE POOL IS CLOSED INDEFINITELY.

How could this be? Even the pool deck is off-limits? Sad Lucy....Guess it's time to go find a good beach....