Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Thoughts from last weekend...

It takes a lot of emotional strength to write things down sometimes. I tend to have large gaps in my journals for lack of a better excuse that it is just too painful or just too much work. Or maybe its laziness...
Stress and the impact of everyday life have more of an affect on me than I have given credit. Spiraling out of control until one more minute makes me feel as though the walls will crumble in on me. And then, figuring out house to dust yourself off and start all over again. Rise out of the ashes like a phoenix. I may be far from this point, but at least I am letting the fire burn. I think I am stuck in this constant contemplative conundrum where I know my brain will never fully change even though my moods will remain inconsistent. A constant state of chaos embodied in a struggling soul.
Yet, amidst the fog, we all know that the sun will continue to rise in the east and set in the west. Circumventing the globe in a path that is predictable yet shifting. Perhaps that is a path I need to learn how to follow. Get in a rhythm and learn how to follow it, and not be thrown off course by the cloud cover below. The clouds should be below you...not above...not controlling.
What is that amazing feeling in-flight when sunshine breaks through the window while the clouds sit below? It's elation because you know that right now, the sun is all you have in your future. So, why do the clouds put a damper on what is below? What's the point? I sometimes wonder if we are pre-destined for how we handle the rain...one person's raincloud is another's ray of sunshine?

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